Sickipedia

Wouldn't it be ironic when Joni Mitchell dies and she gets to heaven. She is hugely disappointed to find out it's one big giant car park ?

My favourite new sport is playing Necrophilia Roulette. The rules are simple, you visit an intensive care unit and switch off the life support machine of a patient. Then have sex with them and see if you can finish before they flat line.

My Halloween party is approaching and I was wondering what to dress as this year ? A zombie, a clown, a fat nonce, a dictator, a murderer, The damned or an escaped mental patient that loves Jimmy Saville ? I thought sod it I'll go as the bloody lot. So this year I'm going as Kier Starmer.

Lucy Bronze played the whole Euro's with a fractured tibia. That is amazing and reminds me of that time I went to work with man flu !

At 7 P.M ITV stated that 32,000 plus people were reported attending the Lioness's England team triumph in the woman's European Cup final. The figure was double that at 6 P.M. but they had to leave early to make their husbands their dinner and pack lunch for work tomorrow.

I gave Kier Starmer three grand to buy me a reasonable secondhand car. The raging fuckwit came back with a rusty wheelbarrow that was missing a wheel and said I need to give him another £42,000 for it. The twat couldn't get a shag, waiting in line at a Bonnie Blue orgy.

It's been ages since I've woken up with a huge angry erection in the morning. But then again it's nice to out of prison away from my gay cell mate.

If you had a choice of shooting Kier Starmer Or beating Sadiq Khan to death with a hammer. What type of hammer are you using ?

I don't know which one is worse ? Being 6 years old in a children's hospital and finding out Jimmy Saville is on his way. Or being an 18 year old female aspiring model and getting a phone call from Andrew Tate or his brother.

Question What's the difference between a whole weeks shopping and a dead peadophile ? Answer I haven't got a whole week's shopping in the boot of my car.