Sickipedia

What do you call a teletubby that's been burgled? A tubby.

I just banged a Scouse MILF ten years younger than me - I don't think that's too bad for a man my age. And I'm not even 25 yet.

The Duke of Edinburgh asked the Queen if she felt like sex. She responded, "Do one."

Prince Andrew need not feel too bad. Even if he does forfeit his public duties permanently, he can always get a job with the BBC.

THE JOHNSON DEFENCE: Although my client was wearing a balaclava and brought his own shotgun, he was unaware that he was attending a bank robbery. (Someone on Youtube.)

I'm not pleased that my teenage daughters have made a lesbian porn video. Why did they have to make it pay per view?

Motorcyclist in Brixton gets stabbed to death in the making of a music video. I'm guessing the song wasn't "Killing Me Softly".

I'm smoking a fag. I've just set fire to Quinten's house.

A bunch of Nazis rounded up a group of people they claimed made them suspicious, and told them to get in a line. Then the Nazis said to the first in line, "So, vot is your religion?" Someone farther down the line called out, "Don't tell him, kike!"

I shouldn't of hired a black guy as my cleaner. Now he's finished his work for the day, I have to spray fucking air freshener everywhere.