Sickipedia

What has four legs and ten arms? My pitbull in a mosque

I went into the bank and walked up to the lady at the desk and said, "I want to open a fucking bank account." "Excuse me, what did you say ?" she replied. "I said I want to open a FUCKING bank account." "I'm willing to help you," she said, "But if you keep using that kind of language I'll have to get the manager over here." "Why, because i want to open a fucking back account ?" The lady had it and stormed off the the back to get the manager. She came back with the bank manager and he said to me, "Sir, what seems to be the problem ?" I said to him, "The problem is that I just want to open up a fucking bank account here for £500,000." The manager replied, "Oh, and is this cunt giving you a hard time !"

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

I've just tried some of the Elvis Costello's new Mediterranean sausages. They were wonderful. I think olive salami is here to stay.

Can't wait for Dec Donnelly to mix his words and say..... "Harry Redknapp ruled out of this trial due to Tax Issues!"

My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heartburn tablets I can't believe gavisgon.

A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks, "Did you see my face?"The hostage replies, "Yes."The robber takes aim and shoots the man in the head.He turns to the next man. "And did you see my face?""No, but my wife did

Whilst the country was watching the political uncertainty over our PM’s future, Phil Jones was being Phil Jones and showing that some things never change

New announcement about Stan Lee's funeral It will feature a cameo appearance by Stan Lee.

I met a girl in the park the other day there was a real spark between us, she immediately dropped to the floor and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love i thought these Taser guns are well worth the money