Sickipedia

My friend is a farmer and he puts loads of pigs into one pen where they sniff eachothers arses and piss and shit everywhere He calls it The Kop

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous... Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself

I was angry when I stumbled across an online dating profile my wife had put up. The lying bitch is not 'fun to be around'

Today I saw an advert for the suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, surely it would work much better on the front.

F.A.S.T. F - Face - Is the face black? A - Arms - Do they wander picking up objects not belonging to them? S - Speech - Are they saying "Bruv" instead of "Brother" T - Time - Time to call the cops. They are a Nigger.

"Scientists identify how to spot a future criminal at the age of THREE" - Obviously these scientists can't be that bright if it takes them THREE years to notice if the kid is black.

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

New announcement about Stan Lee's funeral It will feature a cameo appearance by Stan Lee.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Kicked out of Sea world.

"You're so childish" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends, this is ridiculous, this relationship is over!" "This relationship is what? Over"