Sickipedia

MUSLIMS: When asked about your wife's age, answer in dog years, twenty eight doesn't sound that bad.

A Liverpool pensioner has died and left all his worldly possessions to complete strangers. Although they were the original owners.

Lidl management today said that because of the panic buying and pandemonium in their stores that they are taking drastic action and opening another till.

So a police constable murdered and chopped up Sarah Everard then. It's fucking P.C gone mad I tell you.

Well poor old Prince Charles has tested positive for COVID -19. Sorry Charles, but you would insist on shagging an old bat.

POLLSTERS: Don't bothering asking 16 and 17 years old which way they are going to vote. Half of them can't decide what gender they are yet.

When shopping in Harrods, ensure people stay at least two meters away from you by holding a Lidl carrier bag.

"I'm sorry Mr Jones, your son will grow with a persecution complex, he may well turn to crime and be and become alcohol and drug dependent and incredibly lazy. " "Oh dear doctor, is there anything at all we can do?" "Yes, move away from Liverpool. "

They've just found Jeffery Epsteins diary. His last entry was about twelve years old.

I walked into Curry's and asked for a chest freezer I said it had to be big enough to hold two dead bodies. So I ordered one and left. When I got home the police were waiting for me, "Ha, good afternoon officers, " I said, "I do hope you're here about the burglary I reported three weeks ago. "