Sickipedia

The wife suggested if I was bored during lockdown, to make a bird table. Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place..

In a royal statement, apparently the new baby "cannot be named yet for legal reasons." Fuck me, has it already committed a crime?

Today's BBC statement … "Current policy means we have no alternative but to sack Danny Baker for racial abuse. If only he'd just sexually interfered with the baby then we could have turned a blind eye for years."

I've just prepared Jeremy Corbyn's speech for tomorrow ... "Would you like fries with that?"

Kids today don't know how well off they are.. I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas. No toys, no posh house, facing starvation scouring for food, but boy, did we have some laughs.

Mystery surrounds the Tower of London where a black raven has gone missing.. Not much mystery to me.. It probably got one of the other ravens pregnant and being black, fucked off.

Yesterday, the wife swore she saw a cockroach in the kitchen. She disinfected everything and thoroughly cleaned the whole area. Today, before going to work, I've put the cockroach in the bathroom.

During breakfast, my wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with twitter. I nearly choked on my #brown.

Remember the old days when we used to eat cake after someone blew all over it? Man, we were wild...

On the radio they've supported Mental Health Day with the tagline .."Remember you're not alone." A bit fucking harsh on the schizophrenics.