Sickipedia

Driving down the A14 at Cambridge I turned off and took a 50 mile detour when I saw the sign saying.. "CAUTION ROADWORKS DELAYS UNTIL DECEMBER 2020" Fuck me, how long is that tailback?

Fuck me Sir Alex Ferguson takes fundraising serious. He's still going strong on his red nose decade.

Fuck me, you've gotta feel for that Joey Barton. He'd a grand on at 10 to 1 on only a 12 month ban.

The problem in my marriage is that I'm a vegetarian and she's a fucking cow.

R.I.P. Sir Roger Moore. Shaken 24/5/17 but not stirred.

The West Indies are all out for 168. Which means they trail Alistair Cook by 75 runs.

I saw an ad last night for all the Americans suffering from the hurricane devastation. Fuck me... They want you to send £10 an hour just to save one of the fat cunts from starving.

"Mrs Hefner, it's the funeral parlour. Your husband's permanent erection means we can't get the coffin lid shut!" "Oh don't you worry about that," she said, " I'll be right over to sort it out." "But what do you intend to do?" asked the undertaker. "Cut it off, spit on it, shove it up his arse and say my final words to him." "What on earth can you say at such a moment?" asked the surprised undertaker. "Come on Hugh, admit it! It fucking hurts you bastard!"

Shocking unbelievable news from America. There were no mass shootings today.

The hot winds from the Sahara has had Scottish people panic buying sunscreen today. They're even expecting highs of around 5 degrees C.