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Sickipedia
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There was a robbery at the local jam factory last night. The thieves broke in after they realised the door was a jar.
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Waiter is taking an order in a restaurant. He asks the customer "Do you have any nut allergies?". Customer says "Cashew". He says "Fucking hell that's a bad'un!".
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This year's outdoor activities and aquatic life exhibition had to be cancelled due to lack of interest. A complete disaster, for all in tents and porpoises!
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A man was swimming in the sea when an aggressive flatfish bit him on the toe. After a lengthy struggle, he was just about able to shake it off and retreat to the shore at the base of a cliff. Unfortunately for the man, the cliff face appeared entirely intraversable and meanwhile the flatfish was lying in wait for the man, should he return to the water. -He was stuck between a rock and a hard plaice.
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Headlines: Manual car wash found to be base of operations for smugglers of illegal immigrants. In other news: -Pope is discovered to be a Catholic! -Bear spotted shitting in woods!
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Just been sacked from my new job as a barber. A customer asked me to do a number two all over; apparently that's something to do with the length of cut- very confusing!
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Walked by Jeremy Beadle's tombstone the other day, it read: "Hr. ls. Jrmy. Bdl. R.I.P" I couldn't believe it- It was written in shorthand!
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I went for a Chinese last night... The little bastard got me order wrong!
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Picked up a Chinese last night. -He said, "Aaah, you no do that, you put me down!".
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I'm currently reading a book on flypaper... -I can't put it down!
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Guidelines, Information and Rules
Hi! To ensure that this is a great place for everyone to have a wondeful time, we have some rules. Breaking them might result in a suspension or permanent ban from the site.
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Jokes must be in text format, no emojis or linking allowed.
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As a measure to prevent spam and reposts, we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit.
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If you post a NSFW image as meme, it must be tagged as NSFW.
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Do not repost from all time top list.
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Metaposts are not allowed. If you've something to ask then please go to forum.
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No posting personal information.
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Reposts and duplicate jokes are not allowed.
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Photographs, gifs and videos depicting nudity, sexual poses or acts, if censored
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Child Exploitation content
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As a measure to prevent spam, we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit
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Content designed to intimidate a person or group by any means including, doxxing, murder or injury, rape, harrasment etc.
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Meta posts are not allowed, however you can contact admin or a moderator.
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Promoting false information
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