Sickipedia

If you like being fisted, Please put your hand up

Bought the wife some Meatloaf knickers for Xmas. The front says "I will do anything for love" On the back it says "but I won't do that"

My German girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex. She says it makes her armpits sore.

Accidently said hello to a feminist the other day. My trial starts on Monday.

I got on the bus the other day and said to the driver, "Return, please." "Where to?" he asked. "Poland, Where you fucking came from".

Paddy goes into a department store and asks the assistant, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?" The assistant looks at him and says "Whats a Potato clock?" Paddy says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife said 'You'd better get a potato clock".

My wife just caught me with my dick in the vacuum cleaner, she said "What you doing?". I replied "Just doing the bits you missed".

I came downstairs this morning, to find my wife lying on the sofa, looking absolutely terrible. Same as every other fucking morning.

Usain Bolt goes to a nightclub...Bouncer says sorry mate no black people allowed in here, there's a place 10 mins down the road you'll get in.....Usain goes mad, do you know who i am, Im Usain Bolt he says the fastest man on the planet, ..... Bouncer says ok 4 mins down the road then.

My mother-in-law bought a talking rabbit, but she took it back a week later. "This rabbit hasn't said anything!" she complained. "I haven't had a fucking chance yet!" replied the rabbit.