Sickipedia

I said to my wife, "I'm just getting you something small this Christmas." She said, "Ooh, Is it underwear?" I said, "Are you fucking deaf, I said something small."

When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom. Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

My mate offered to give me a lift this morning I said its no use to me, I live in a bungalow

I stopped outside the Adult shop today, "Why dont you nip in here and get something Naughty for Christmas?" I said to my Wife with a wink, and handed her $50. "aww thanks!" she said, as she got out of the car and walked into the cake shop next door.

I asked my wife, "What do you want for Christmas, fatty?" She said, "Don't get lippy." I said, "Mascara it is then".

My Wife was running a temperature so I rang the doctor. He said, "Is she very hot?". I said, "Well, with a bit of make-up on she's not bad..."

I came downstairs this morning, to find my wife lying on the sofa, looking absolutely terrible. Same as every other fucking morning.

Bought the wife some Meatloaf knickers for Xmas. The front says "I will do anything for love" On the back it says "but I won't do that"

My Wife just came out of the bedroom wearing a Nurses outfit. I thought, Fucking Awesome, Shes going to work.

My wife just caught me with my dick in the vacuum cleaner, she said "What you doing?". I replied "Just doing the bits you missed".