Sickipedia

I was last place in a self sucking competition yesterday. I'm a little bit down on myself at the mo.

It's steak and blow job day today so when I got in from work I laid eyes on her then the table. On a giant round plate must have been a 16oz steak, I was salivating and wasted no time in taking my seat and polishing it off. After a good 15 minutes of sat still recovery I felt ready to take it to the next step. I winked at her unzipping my jeans and pulling out my meaty member before walking to the bedroom laying back first on the bed with cock in hand. I felt so sure it was going to happen but no. My mum just told me to fuck off.

So I was on my way out of my top floor office when out of nowhere a dwarf in a balaclava jumped in the lift with a bag of swag screaming "hahaha, you have no idea what I've just done". Before heading to the ground floor. A little con descending don't you think.

"Future of Gibraltar at stake in Brexit negotiations". The leave camp will probably be happy to hand it over. After all they wanted less monkeys on British territory.

Did you hear about the jockey that took an interest in deep sea diving? Peter Scubamore.

Decided to purchase a flight extra for my United Airlines flight. A mouthguard.

Lidls Portugal Live a Lidl...Live not a lot.

Serena Williams is 20 weeks pregnant. Seriously who would do such a thing?

They have just opened a Charity shop for Parkinson's disease in my local town. So I decided to donate my tremors DVD box set.

I was at a football match at Millwall and had to go for a piss at half time. When I got there I caught a glimpse of the black bloke next to me and Jesus Christ it must have been 9 or 10 inches long. "You ought to be careful with a tool like that you could do serious damage", I laughed. "If I'm lucky I will at the end of the game", he replied winking...Putting the knife back in his jacket.