Sickipedia

I'm about to murder my wife. Just in case, I'm wearing gloves that are too small for me.

I heard Wasp lost his job, which means he will have to let his wife know it's going to be harder for him to put food in the trough.

I'm looking forward to tonight. It's my girlfriend's 16th birthday.

Following this year's Budget, I am now officially leaving the country. Good luck, everyone. Yours, Sgt Pete Kerr, The Royal Yorkshire Regiment

While I was in bed I started fantasising about an idealised sexual encounter with my imaginary girlfriend, murmuring her name in my dreams. Then my wife, Michelle, woke me up and angrily demanded, "And who the hell is Lisa!?"

Why has the man who blew himself up outside Liverpool Women's Hospital been described as a "failed" asylum seeker? He got into the country, didn't he?

It's nearly Christmas, and jokes about Jesus' crucifixion on here will be welcome with open arms.

After my first proper gym workout in several months, I'm feeling pretty shitty. Not because I'm tried and achy, but because I'm lying on the ground smelling.

Once again I was woken up in the middle of the night by my dog barking. He's only a pug. Oh well, time to get the machete out again...

Is Wasp French? It looks like he's given up.