Sickipedia

Sadly, I was caught by security trying to climb the fence at Glastonbury, they turned me back & said I had to listen to the rest of the Rod Stewart concert.

Isn’t Boeing a pretty bad name for a plane, that doesn’t bounce?

I’ve got a load of Sheffield United tea sets, if anybody is interested, there’s loads of saucers, but no cups.

Am I the only person who thought the relationship between Sturgeon & Salmond was a bit fishy?

A friend of mine survived a fall from 20,000 feet out of a plane, it was when he hit the ground that killed him.

Phoned a restaurant to book a table for me & my girlfriend, what name, they asked, I said Amelia, they said. I know you want a meal here, but what’s her name?

I walked out of McDonalds with a triple cheesburger & was confronted by a homeless man, who said he hadn’t eaten in 3 days, I congratulated him & said I wish I had his willpower.

Take care if you buy a watch from Temu that says you can swim with it, bought one for my wife & she sank straight to the bottom of the pool.

There’s no hope for us in the UK, when a man crossing the Channel in a rubber dinghy dies, with all those doctors & scientists on board.

A house full of illegal immigrants burnt down this morning, killing all of them, I could have saved them, but unfortunately there’s a hosepipe ban.