Sickipedia

More Muslims to be massacred. Saudi women are to get driving licences.

I went out last night and got absolutely shit faced. Made a complete arse of myself. Woke up this morning and I've been called up for the England cricket team's Ashes tour.

I see an American police swat team has killed an innocent man outside his house. Expect a week of protests, followed by rioting and looting........Oh, maybe not. This bloke was white.

Going to school in America? It's safer to go on your holidays in Syria.

Donald Trump is going to visit Kim Jong-un. Is this to debate who has the worst haircut?

I took a girl out for a meal last night and I farted in the restaurant. I was about to apologise for it. When the phone rang and ISIS claimed responsibility for it.

Tom Daley. Described on Sky Sports as "The Plymouth Plunger". It's the first time I've heard this phrase to describe an Arse Bandit, but it quite amused me.

About time we have another World War. We haven't had one for a while. Can the USA step in before France surrender's? Instead of pissing about like they did in the last two and joining in when the hard work had been done.

I've never been to Starbucks, but if two cunts come in and use one of your tables without buying anything, when other people would want to sit there and buy something, does that make the staff racist? Cunts!

Well, I'm off for a coffee, bollocko naked and with a semi automatic rifle. Oh, sorry. I forgot I'm not American. Off to the pub then.