Sickipedia

I was on this train late the other night, and this bird sat opposite me with a mini skirt on and no drawers. So I sat there, inspecting it as you would, and she said ‘if you come closer it’ll smile at you’. So I did. And fuck me the ends curled up and it smiled. Having a closer look, she said ‘if you come closer it’ll wink too’ So I did, and fuck me it winked. She said, ‘i bet you’d like to stick two fingers in there wouldn’t you’ I replied, ‘don’t tell me it whistles as well’

Fuck me this site is more left wing than parliament ??

How many wogs can actually fit in an old bmw 5 series ? 76. 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 71 from Grenfell in the ashtray

Sorry to hear the Limerick water skiing team have all resigned. They couldn’t find a downhill river. - give and old joke a new home -

What’s the difference between a fanny hole and a microwave ? Microwave doesn’t fart when you take the meat out

Quick question for all you cripples out there in wheelchairs. When you die, how the fuck are you going to get up the stairway to heaven.

I was pissed and disorderly the other night, with a beer stained scruffy fiver left in my pocket, and was approached by a drunk rough old tart looking for some business. I said I only had a fiver and she said i could lick her fanny for that, so fuck it I’ll have a go, any port in a storm etc. So I was down there sniffing and chewing and I got a mouthful of cabbage and sprouts. I gagged, and said ‘what the fuck is this crap up your fanny?’, as you would. ‘Ohhh’, she said, ‘it’s so nice carry on don’t stop.’ So a bit more gnawing down there, and I got a chewed up lump of brisket fat and some fucking peas stuck in my teeth. ‘Fuck’, I said, ‘I’m going to puke’ She said, ‘that’s what the last bloke said’

Big old buck nigger walks into a bar with this parrot on his shoulder. Parrot says, ‘Barman ! A pint of bitter for my companion, and a bag of nuts for me, please.’ Parrot opens the bag, eats the nuts. Coon drinks the beer. Few minute later, parrot says ‘Barman! Half for him and some dry roasted for me this time, please’ Barman serves, looks at the wog and says, ‘fuck me, he’s amazing where did you get him?’ Parrot says, ‘London, there are millions of the cunts’ - classic - Bernard Manning -

They invented this new train for the channel tunnel, smoothest train ever made so all the leftie downvoting snowflakes on here don’t spill their soy milk when they go to frogville to kiss macrons arse. So this journalist goes for a ride to write a story about it. Flying along at 150mph, he’s building a card house on the table it’s so good. Suddenly near Calais, bang. Fucking cards went everywhere, soup, coffee, beer the works flying up in the air. The ride is like bull riding me after getting downvotes by the lefties on here. After a minute or so of turbulence, all smooth again. So the journalist goes to see the driver, ‘wow what a marvellous train you have, so smooth. But what was that bump back there?’ ‘Oh that was a fucking paki’ said the driver. ‘Was he on the track ?’ ‘No, the cunt was in a field, I had to swerve to get him’

Driving home the other week near Bradford and this fuckin dutty paki walked out in front of me, twat. Anyway i was in the sticks so put my foot down and the cunt flew up in the air like he was on an invisible magic carpet, beard flapping, etc. As I’m a caring sort, I decided after a few miles to go back and see if he was alright. So I got back there eventually, no paki in sight. I did notice a farmer tho. So I asked the farmer, ‘have you seen a paki laying about here, think I may have accidentally bumped him with my car?’ Farmer said, ‘wuh yis borr, I just buried him in that there field o’erthere look’ (points at disturbed earth) ‘Oh shit’, I said, ‘was the poor fellow dead?’ ‘Well he said he wunt’, said the farmer, ‘but you know what lying cunts they are’