Sickipedia

They invented this new train for the channel tunnel, smoothest train ever made so all the leftie downvoting snowflakes on here don’t spill their soy milk when they go to frogville to kiss macrons arse. So this journalist goes for a ride to write a story about it. Flying along at 150mph, he’s building a card house on the table it’s so good. Suddenly near Calais, bang. Fucking cards went everywhere, soup, coffee, beer the works flying up in the air. The ride is like bull riding me after getting downvotes by the lefties on here. After a minute or so of turbulence, all smooth again. So the journalist goes to see the driver, ‘wow what a marvellous train you have, so smooth. But what was that bump back there?’ ‘Oh that was a fucking paki’ said the driver. ‘Was he on the track ?’ ‘No, the cunt was in a field, I had to swerve to get him’

Driving home the other week near Bradford and this fuckin dutty paki walked out in front of me, twat. Anyway i was in the sticks so put my foot down and the cunt flew up in the air like he was on an invisible magic carpet, beard flapping, etc. As I’m a caring sort, I decided after a few miles to go back and see if he was alright. So I got back there eventually, no paki in sight. I did notice a farmer tho. So I asked the farmer, ‘have you seen a paki laying about here, think I may have accidentally bumped him with my car?’ Farmer said, ‘wuh yis borr, I just buried him in that there field o’erthere look’ (points at disturbed earth) ‘Oh shit’, I said, ‘was the poor fellow dead?’ ‘Well he said he wunt’, said the farmer, ‘but you know what lying cunts they are’

I was in Wales last week, walked past a churchyard and saw this priest fucking the shit of this poor old sheep, the sheep was yowling and wining like a dog at yulin nip barbecue. Anyway, I said ‘sorry vicar, didn’t mean to interrupt, are you shearing’ Vicar replied, ‘no, find your own sheep’

Fuck me this site is more left wing than parliament ??

How many wogs can actually fit in an old bmw 5 series ? 76. 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 71 from Grenfell in the ashtray

Sorry to hear the Limerick water skiing team have all resigned. They couldn’t find a downhill river. - give and old joke a new home -

What’s the difference between a fanny hole and a microwave ? Microwave doesn’t fart when you take the meat out

Quick question for all you cripples out there in wheelchairs. When you die, how the fuck are you going to get up the stairway to heaven.

Got a job at a mortuary once. This scrawny little Asian runt, with glasses and a big old beard got put with me to help. One day this little fucker says, ‘that young girl in fridge 4 has a prawn in her fanny’ So I had a look and said, ‘you stupid cunt, that’s a clitoris’ So he says, ‘well, it tasted like prawn’

Old Jewish couple in hospital. Joseph is dying, Miriam sits beside him clutching his hand. Joseph says, ‘miriam my love, you’ve been beside me all my life.’ He continues, ‘When I had my business and lost all the money you were by my side’ ‘Miriam, my love. When my parents were killed in that crash, you were by my side’ ‘When I got diagnosed with cancer, Miriam my love, you were by my side’ ‘And now Miriam my love, with my last breath approaching, again here you are, by my side’ ‘Miriam, my love, you’re a fucking jinx’ - Jim Davidson -