Sickipedia

Can someone tell me when Pornhub 2 is coming out I completed the first one last night?

I smiled at a woman on the train and she said "When you smile at me I want to invite you to my place" "Are you single?" I asked her. "No, I'm a dentist" she replied.

I lost my car keys this morning and the wife said I should look harder so I shaved my head, bought a stone island jumper and got FTP tattooed on my forehead... Still can't find them

When they cremate George Foreman, do you think they'll use a big tray to catch all the fat?

Whoever said 'Out of sight out of mind' never had a big three inch hairy fucking spider disappear in their bedroom.

Hollywood writers planning movie release about Russians involved in submarine tragedy. 'Hunt for someone sober'

A black guy with an eyepatch on just got into my car and told me to get out then drove off. I think he was a pirate of the car I be in. I'll get my keys

Was just in JD sports trying on trainers and I told the assistant they were too tight. "Try them with tongue out" she said "Nope, thleyre thtill tloo tlight" I replied.

"Paddy, what are you doing in your neighbours garden?" "Their dog has been barking for six hours, Murphy, I'm going to put it in my garden and see how they like it"

I was blown away watching the Oasis gig in Cardiff and had to pinch myself to take in what I saw. The cunts actually played a fourth chord.