Sickipedia

Is it too early to say ozzy Osborne touched me as a child?

I was blown away watching the Oasis gig in Cardiff and had to pinch myself to take in what I saw. The cunts actually played a fourth chord.

A black guy with an eyepatch on just got into my car and told me to get out then drove off. I think he was a pirate of the car I be in. I'll get my keys

Whoever said 'Out of sight out of mind' never had a big three inch hairy fucking spider disappear in their bedroom.

My wife walked into the bedroom last night just as I was pulling off my boxers. She's reported me to the RSPCA and is away to her mums.

I just watched planet of the apes and Charlton Heston merely lost his voice for a few days after being shot in the neck. They just don't make them like that anymore.

They've invented a plane that is made from rubber and is completely crash proof. The Boeing Boeing Boeing 867 is released next month.

I thought fruit flies liked fruit... specifically bananas. So why are there 30 on a teabag in the bin and at least 50 on one of the wife's used tampons?

There's a time for the jokes to stop and just reach out to the sickipedia community. I came home and dropped my shopping bag and the vaseline for my wife's chapped lips burst and went everywhere. I slipped and the large cucumber that was covered in it went straight up my arsehole. To say it's in to my lungs is an understatement, can anyone advise me how to get it out?

I just bought a couch from DFS and the salesman said it will easily seat five people with no problems. I don't know five people without problems.