Sickipedia

Once you've seen one shopping centre. You've seen the mall.

I'm dating the woman from the weather forecast on TV It's nice to be with a woman who is wrong most of the time.

Note to self. Don't ever go to a fancy dress party dressed as a sheep in wales, again.

A really old bloke in the pub was telling me his war stories, about how he survived a mustard gas attack and got pepper sprayed as a method of torture from the bad guys. "So you're a seasoned veteran then?" I asked. I grabbed my coat soon after.

I have finally worked out what is wrong with my wife's brain. I can't believe it took me so long to work it out. On the left side of her brain, there is nothing right. On the right side of her brain, there is nothing left.

I was devistated to came home from work today and find my house gone, all that was left was a pile of rubble. That's the last time I order a blow up doll from Afghanistan.

Did you know that, to this day, the swimming pool on the Titanic is still full of water?

My dick used to be in the guiness book of world records, until I got kicked out of the library.

Every time my wife and I have sex, I put £1 in a jar next to the bed towards her christmas presents. She's done really well this year. She's getting some hair clips from the pound shop.

Freedom of speech has not been banned in the UK. Anyone who disagrees will be arrested.