Sickipedia

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Coronna virus and the slowdown of the economy, the Government has decided to implement the following schemes to help improve future employment and therefore stimulate the economy. Workers of 50 years of age or more will be forced into retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE. (Retire aged persons early). Those selected to be RAPED can apply for the SHAFT benefits. (Special help after forced termination) Those chosen to be RAPED or SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme. (System covering retired early workers). A person can only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, but can be SCREWED as many times as the Government sees fit. Those that get RAPED can get AIDS (Additional income for dependants & spouses) or HERPES (Half earnings for retired early severence)

On her recent visit to Northern Ireland, Dianne Abbott was asked what she thought of County Down. The thick bitch replied "I preferred it when Carol Vorderman was on it".

Liverpool F.C. Proving beyond all doubt that getting Bale isn't always a good thing.

So Boris Johnson has tested positive for Coronavirus and he then decides to write a letter to everyone? Well I'm not touching the fucker when it comes through my door.

Just seen a sign in our local Wetherspoons. "Closed until further notice owing to the Corona virus outbreak. No toilet rolls are kept on the premises".

In light of Liverpool FC's success under Jurgen Klopp, Manchester City have said that their next Manager will also come from Germany. Probably best not to mention the VAR.

So, when Spider-Man sprays a sticky substance over someone, he's awesome. When I do it, I'm a fucking pervert.

I got kicked out of a fancy dress party last night. I was bollock naked except for a glass jar on my cock. A woman asked "What the fuck have you come as"? " A fireman" I said "What the fuck", she said. "Well, in an emergency, break the glass, pull the knob & I'll come as fast as I can".

The wife brought a tub of ice cream home from the supermarket & asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it" I asked. "As hard as when you see me naked" she said cheekily. "Yeah, go on then" I said. "Pour me a glass".

What the fuck with Sickipedia going white? I prefer the old site. Another shining example of when you go black, you don't go back.