Sickipedia

Mock-up of new boy band sponsored by famous jam manufacturers, the name of this boy band is currently undecided, suggestions welcome.

I’m thinking of writing to the 1922 Committee, to ask if we can please have a new PM. I’ve been looking back through the list of previous Tory Prime Ministers to find one with a modicum of common sense, integrity and social responsibility. Could any Sicki posters please let me know if the 1st Earl of Stockton is still alive. PS I am not and never have been a Tory party member or voter.

Yet another celebratory ice cream flavour to try. Ben & Jerry's new ice cream flavor "Afghanistan Abandon-Mint."

Latest news form Tokyo and the Paralympics, football manager Steve Bruce is now favourite to win gold in the sack race. His impairment is the newly classified bloody-mindedness category.

Great British Bake Off final tonight on C4 and it is Cannibal Night so look out for; tart’s tongues in aspic, Glasgow prairie oysters, griddled kidneys...the scouse version, the obligatory finger buffet and as a grand final Sandi Toksvig will be having a first ever meat and two veg courtesy of Paul Hollywood.

Belated news for any Sickipedians who attended grammar schools all those years ago…it was announced today that scientists have developed a vaccine for Ovid. Anyone wishing to comment on this post should do so in verse, English or Latin both acceptable.

In an attempt to show that Bond films don't promote inappropriate sex and violence, a draft of the next film in the franchise has been leaked. No Thyme To Diet stars Joyce Bond, she's a single parent of a mixed race disabled child, she's vegan and seriously thinking of coming out as transgender. This dusky skinned heroine wears only organic clothing, No fast cars for her, she pursues villains on her e-scooter, recharging it overnight using a wind powered generator (it took her a while to realise solar cells don't work in the dark). When she catches the villains she uses her powers of persuasion (and shrill heckling voice) to force them to surrender. No violence, no sex, just the occasional flat latte or full strength Capstan (her only vice). The film will be released next August 2022, it lasts just over four hours and is suitable for family viewing. Hang on a minute, what's that disturbing noise.....oh, it's Sean Connery, Roger Moore and David Niven spinning in their graves.

Sam’s school report History - U Biology - U Science - U French - U

Quarantine day 14 of 90 I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting a pub quiz on here, just to while away some of the long lonely hours. Assuming there are any takers, I will pose the first question and don’t everyone answer at once. Q1 Whose round is it ?

In response to a recent meme by Weaverdog entitled ‘All Cats are Bastards’ I made a few comments and was asked to post them as a joke. So here goes This cat has spent years watching you, not doubt it has even peeked into the bathroom or toilet. You know all those charts in the butchers shops showing the various cuts of meat on a cow (why is it never a bull ?), well, your cat has an identical chart of you burned into it’s brain. It knows which bits of you need to be eaten straight away. It has watched you scratch your bollocks so it now it knows how to get at your (now his/her) meat and two veg whilst you lie dead on the floor fully dressed. When it licks you it is verifying your salt content. If the cat is sitting on your lap purring and pawing you, it is checking the resilience of your flesh for fat content, it does the same when it leaps off the wardrobe onto your stomach while you sleep. Cats often sleep on your chest at night, they want to be the first to know when you stop breathing. A cat will sniff your nose as you exhale...it’s looking for signs of illness which might render you inedible. Cats do, however make wonderful pets.