Sickipedia

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.

Err....yes, that's how bomb vests are supposed to work !

"You'll never walk alone" sang the six guys who carried Jota's coffin into the church. Too soon ???

“No Donald, i will not ‘fucking’ stand next to you in the photo shoot !

Tired of the neighbour’s dog barking night and day, there are several devices which can prevent this antisocial disturbance, all will b available soon on eBay and all good online emporiums.

As Kier Starmer Considers his choice of the next ambassador to the USA, can I respectfully suggest George Galloway ? No, okay I'll fuck off then.

Before meeting the German chancellor, Donald Trump, remembering Kennedy’s famous German quote in Berlin over 60 years ago decided to go one better so he invited the German ambassador for tea at Trump Tower. Trump rudely stated his desire to learn a German phrase to use on the Chancellor. The ambassador controlled his anger and after about 30 difficult minutes Trump was finally able to speak a phrase in the German language. The meeting with the Chancellor took place in the Oval Office and was broadcast live on Television in both the USA and Germany. The German greeted Donald in English and Trump proudly said “ Ich bin eine Schlampe”. Everyone in the office loudly agreed, applauded and cheered. It wasn’t until much later that a harried junior aide explained the the German word ‘schlampe’ actually meant ‘twat’,

Stella Rimington, who popped her clogs today, was the first Director General of MI5 to come out rather than in from the cold. That appalling building in London will stand as her legacy. Her dog still answers to the name of Smiley and has a very cold dog, ladies beware !

Donald Trump is reported to have issued an executive order imposing a 50% tariff on any tsunamis arriving on American shores, if true will that mean arriving tsunamis will be 50% bigger ?

New NHS plan to remove elderly bed blockers from hospital beds under consideration, any better ideas anyone ?