Sickipedia – Dark Humor, Jokes

Sickipedia

7 years ago-Other-Animals-Post Rating : 27

In response to a recent meme by Weaverdog entitled ‘All Cats are Bastards’ I made a few comments and was asked to post them as a joke. So here goes This cat has spent years watching you, not doubt it has even peeked into the bathroom or toilet. You know all those charts in the butchers shops showing the various cuts of meat on a cow (why is it never a bull ?), well, your cat has an identical chart of you burned into it’s brain. It knows which bits of you need to be eaten straight away. It has watched you scratch your bollocks so it now it knows how to get at your (now his/her) meat and two veg whilst you lie dead on the floor fully dressed. When it licks you it is verifying your salt content. If the cat is sitting on your lap purring and pawing you, it is checking the resilience of your flesh for fat content, it does the same when it leaps off the wardrobe onto your stomach while you sleep. Cats often sleep on your chest at night, they want to be the first to know when you stop breathing. A cat will sniff your nose as you exhale...it’s looking for signs of illness which might render you inedible. Cats do, however make wonderful pets.