Sickipedia

My English teacher said " Your grammar is shit." I replied " Your grandad is a cunt."

Ryanair is proposing a 'fat tax' for obese customers. I think this is a great idea and I'd do it like this. A bit like the hand luggage size test, have a chair with arms at the check-in that passengers have to sit in. When they get up if the chair is still stuck to their arse they pay the tax. The rest of the queue behind them can all cheer and clap and shout "Pay up, you fat cunt!" making the normally dreary check-in experience a more light-hearted affair.

The poor lad attacked by a shark while on honeymoon has died. But he didn't suffer as he had only been married 5 days

Boo Hoo

I went to the horse racing today and while I was there I was given a race card. I'm going to use it tomorrow to jump the housing queue and get extra benefits.

oops

Womens lonely hearts ads, and what they really mean; Adventurous = Slag Athletic = No tits 30 something = 50 odd Fun = Annoying Wild = Gets pissed easily Beautiful eyes = Face like a robbers dog Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fucking nutter New age = Smelly with a hairy chuff Headstrong = Argumentative Enjoys pubbing and clubbing = Alcoholic Curvy = Fat cunt Cuddly = Fat cunt Likes eating out = Greedy fat cunt Likes nights in = Lazy fat cunt

I chained my bike to a Pole today. The bastard ran off with it.

BBC Breaking News...... Pakistan have shot down 2 Indian Fighter planes. In response,India have threatened to bomb the highest populated areas of Pakistan. London,Birmingham,Bradford,Rochdale and Oldham are currently being evacuated....

Hypertrichosis is an abnormal amount of hair growth over the body; extensive cases of hypertrichosis have informally been called werewolf syndrome, because the appearance is similar to the werewolf. This awful affliction is ruining the lives of many children across South America. For just £3 a month, we can help them turn their lives around.Please act now. Yours thankfully... Shave The Children.