Sickipedia

I went to go to the vagina museum but accidentally went in the building next door. The place was a shit hole.

I've had it with Amazon. Every time I order some chicken pellets I get an email a few days later asking for their feed back!

Over the weekend I signed a £200k a week contract to join Manchester City next season as their new striker. Just need them to sign it now. (One of my own from the original site, so fuck off you duplicate Nazis)

I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it. It's left me scratching my head if I'm honest.

I divorced my wife because she kept breaking all the kitchen appliances. Washing machines live longer with the cow gone

I've been trying to suck my own cock for ages but I just can't lean back far enough.

I was out the back of a pub puffing on my e-cig when this fit German bird came up to me and asked if I had a spare cigarette. "Sorry love" I said "I am a vapist". Then she just ran off screaming.

My ginger stepson was playing outside in the snow without a shirt on, the stupid twat. "Get in here now" I shouted from the front door. "Or you'll get bloody sunburn again".

My sex life has been hit hard since all the old people have had to isolate themselves.

Why were they called 'The Borrowers' when they were thieving little bastards? If it wasn't nailed down they fucking had it.