Sickipedia

Where do Joan Jett and the Blackhearts live? Isle of rock and roll

How long before someone starts a submersible tour of the Titan submersible wreckage?

I thought I'd see what happens when you put a mollusc in a puddle of water. I ended up pooling a mussel

I was in my Doctor's office and he asked me to squeeze his fingers as hard as I could. I'm not sure how that helped with the prostate examination but I clenched my arse cheeks pretty hard.

Daddy, can you tell me a nursery rhyme before I go to bed? Yes of course sweetheart. "Bursary" Goodnight.

I work at a crisis call centre for people who have suffered sexual abuse. When I got back from my lunch break, I had a voice message from a guy called Marvin Gaye telling me how he had just been bummed by a bloke in the toilets of a nightclub. I heard it through the rape line.

I was in a nasty car accident and after the airbag had deflated I quickly assessed my injuries. I touched my leg and "Ouch" it was absolute agony, then I touched my ribs and nearly passed out with pain, I checked my head and I just couldn't feel anything at this point. Turned out I just had a broken finger. (I'm sure I heard someone on tv say similar joke but I'll be fucked if I can remember who!)

Transformation - noun 1_ The process of changing completely the character or appearance of something in order to improve it. 2_ A tactical set-up for a football team consisting of transsexuals.

I had to call out a mobile mechanic earlier, but when he arrived he just called me a fucking moron and drove off again! How the fuck am I supposed to get the broken screen fixed on my mobile phone?

I made a beautiful sponge cake for my kid's birthday party yesterday. The ungrateful little shits didn't really like it though, so I ate it all and ended up with a poor tummy. Next time I'll probably cut the green scouring pads off the sponges first, they're quite chewy.