Sickipedia

Went to give a sperm sample the other day the nurse said would i like to masturbate in the cup , I said Thanks but I don't think I'm ready for a competition yet

Pakistan has held a national beauty contest today Nobody won

I went train spotting today It was really easy, they are absolutely massive and make loads of fucking noise.

Oldie but a goldie I'll never forget the time when I considered killing myself. It was a dark dark time in which depression consumed me. I wrote out my suicide notes to my friends and family in my head, whilst sobbing and wishing it would all just end. And that's when Stoke V Hull finished.

I would like to see the UK renamed as Christmas Island. Wales be called Easter, England called Lent, Scotland called Boxing Day and Northern Ireland Passover Let's see how many fucking Muslims would want to come here then

Congratulations to West Ham Not for winning last night but for being named after two things Muslims hate

A boy who couldn't see, hear, smell, feel or taste punched me in the face yesterday I told him there was no need for senseless violence

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it" Wife texts back: "Computer completely fucked now."

I've invented an alcoholic drink especially for spastics.. It's called, 'Window Liquor'.

I got the new Audley Harrison DVD. It's called the Please Don't box set.