Sickipedia

Police have issued a yellow warning in Eastbourne, Sussex earlier today. A bus load of Chinese tourists are on their way last seen heading for the beach.

My son was telling me about his history class yesterday about how all the African slaves were emancipated. As I said to my son, why don't they just add fibre to thier diet or eat a few prunes , that will solve the problem.

I see prince andrew has just left to go to the Falkland Islands to attend a 'memorial event' for fallen british soldiers of the 1982 war with his stopover at Buenos Aires, Argentina. The trip was preplanned and has noting to do with the hordes of vulnerable 15 year old girls camped outside the hotel where Liam Payne died.

I just broke the terrible news my wife has been hoping and preying for. I don't have terminal cancer....

I just heard the fantastic news, Kate Garraway is single again.

I was in the Vets yesterday and I got out my enormous glistening cock right in front of the beautiful blonde assistant in the surgery. She said to me, "that's definitely bird flu, keep him in doors and given him these tablets every day for a week"

The woman who runs the local waste recycling centre has accused me of rape following our 'tryst' yesterday. She said it was non consensual sex, even though I have a recording on my phone from the day before asking her if it was Ok to call in and drop a load into her on Tuesday and her confirming that was OK. Its all too woke for me these days.

NEWFLASH The Supreme Court has determined that a woman is a woman

Michael mosley, another in a long line of mosley's who s demise was confirmed when he took a sharp turn to the far right,

I am sick to death of autocorrect on my devices It's a fucking nightingale.