Sickipedia

What's worse than a Muslim? A pregnant fucking Muslim.

Following today's terror attacks in London, Mayor Sadiq Khan is reported to have said, "I hope all my mates are OK. And all the people that got in the way of their car!"

That girl you called fat. She ate all the pies. That girl you called a slut in class. She been cocked more times that Elmer Fudd’s shotgun. The man you made fun of for crying. He’s a sissy faggot. The boy you called poor. He’s a Labour voter. The old man you made fun of because of his ugly scars. He’s probably an old paedo. The boy you pushed down the stairs the other day. He broke his leg and it was fucking hilarious. Share if you think bullying is fun.

If I get gender reassignment surgery... Can I sell my car as having had 'one lady owner'?

I took my son to visit my aunt in Australia. She looked at him and said, "you've grown two feet since I last saw you!" I said, "nah, he's always had them. If he didn't, his shoes would fall off'.

I confessed to my wife that I had an unhealthy romantic attachment to seafood. It started when I was jogging on the beach and I pulled a mussel.

Dear Auto-correct. I never want to tell a woman I'll lick her puppy. That is all.

Sometimes you go out of your way to be nice and to appreciate their culture, but you just can't please these fucking immigrants. I made a lovely pork curry as a welcome gift for our new Asian neighbour, Mohammad, and he just stood there looking at me like I was a piece of shit! I even took a pair of chopsticks for him and his 6 year old wife to eat it with!

The Metropolitan Police have released a statement: "The bomb had a timer...!" No shit Sherlock! I think due to the fact that there weren't bits of liquidised Paki dripping from the windows and singed pages of the Koran fluttering about, it's safe to say the Muslim cunt got out of the way before it went off!

Posh, Ginger, Scary Baby... It's nothing to do with the Spice Girls. It's what will happen when Meghan and Harry have a kid.