Sickipedia

Following today's terror attacks in London, Mayor Sadiq Khan is reported to have said, "I hope all my mates are OK. And all the people that got in the way of their car!"

London Mayor Sadiq Khan has responded to the latest terror attacks. He is quoted by insiders as saying, "Pfft, that was useless! They should have gone to my cousin Fuqit. He makes far better bombs!"

The Metropolitan Police have released a statement: "The bomb had a timer...!" No shit Sherlock! I think due to the fact that there weren't bits of liquidised Paki dripping from the windows and singed pages of the Koran fluttering about, it's safe to say the Muslim cunt got out of the way before it went off!

Rosa Parks sat bravely on the bus in the 'whites only' section. Her eyes fixed straight ahead, ignoring those around her. She was so focused that she failed to notice an old, torn and wet black bin-liner on the floor by her feet. Suddenly there was a tap on her shoulder and a kindly voice said "Excuse me love" "yes" Said Rosa. "Err, I think you've had a miscarriage..."

I asked the bloke in B&Q if they had any toilet seats for sale. He said, "yes sir, what type would you like?" I replied, "oh, just something bog standard"

My wife just called me pretentious. I was so surprised my monocle fell out!

Cheggers goes pop, then!

I came second in a Brad Pitt lookalike competition. A nigger won it.

I found an 'upskirt' photo of Diane Abbott online. Looked like a carrier bag stuck in a hedge!

Sometimes you go out of your way to be nice and to appreciate their culture, but you just can't please these fucking immigrants. I made a lovely pork curry as a welcome gift for our new Asian neighbour, Mohammad, and he just stood there looking at me like I was a piece of shit! I even took a pair of chopsticks for him and his 6 year old wife to eat it with!