Sickipedia

To My Knowledge There has been only Eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use: 11. What the fuck do you mean we're sinking? - Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 10. What the fuck was that? - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945 9. Where did all these fucking Indians come from? - Custer, 1877 8. Any fucking idiot could understand that. - Einstein, 1938 7. It does fucking look like her! - Picasso, 1926 6. How the fuck did you work that out? - Pythagoras, 126 BC 5 You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling? - Michelangelo, 1566 .4 Scattered fucking showers, my arse! - Noah, 4314 BC 3 Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out? - Bill Clinton, 1999 2. Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad. - Saddam Hussein, 2003 1 I Must get that fucking handrail fixed. - Robert Maxwell, 1991

Back when me and my wife were dating i remember the first time she was going to meet my parents . On the day in question her new car got a flat Tyre as we were on our way, so I called them up and said "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture". "Oh Dear!" she sighed "I thought you had a real one this time."

Since when has it been illegal to walk about in the back garden in just underware ?................. OK OK I'll admit it wasn't my underwear or my back garden but come on give me a break

I took a date to Stonehenge once. Very disappointing. Just a huge unsightly monstrosity. Tell what Stonehenge wasn't much better.

Irish Medical Dictionary. Please discuss. Artery: The study of paintings. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria. Barium: What you do when patients die. Benign: What you be, after you be eight. Caesarean Section: A neighbourhood in Rome. Catscan: Searching for Kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. Dilate: To live long. Enema: Not a friend. Fester: Quicker than someone else. Fibula: A small lie. Impotent: Distinguished, well known. Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane. Morbid: A higher offer. Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates. Node: I knew it. Outpatient: A person who has fainted. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative: A letter carrier. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. Rectum: Nearly killed him. Secretion: Hiding something. Seizure: Roman emperor. Tablet: A small table. Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. Tumour: One plus one more. Urine: Opposite of you're out!!..

Don't you find It's quite ironic that 'strap on' backwards spells 'no parts'

As we are getting close to Christmas and the Police are out there checking on people here is A WARNING ABOUT DRINK DRIVING...... . Over the weekend I was out for a few Christmas drinks with the lads. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many pints and then went onto the brandy. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyzer tests. As I was in a taxi they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where the fuck I got it from...

When i was younger i once beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken. This is what gave me the courage to do it

Just been watching the news and apparently police are holding three men over a fire in West London... Seems a Bit harsh, I wonder what they've done.

"Tits man or arse man?" I was asked. I thought to myself "I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names".