Sickipedia

To the Person who stole my glasses. I will find you. I have contacts...

I've lost loads of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a loaf hat diet. I have TWO coats on.........

Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame and a bag of chips. His missus says " What've you been up to?" He replies.."I was at the Auction House and got a rare French Impressionist painting and I got you something from the chippy on the way home" "How much have you spent this time?" "Fuck all" says Mark.."I got the Monet for nothing and the chips for free" Inspired by Olekunt.

"Hilarious scenes at The Crucible as a pigeon flies onto the table at World Snooker Championship" What's so amazing about that? I once saw a Parrott win the whole fucking tournament.

The last time I went to Blackpool I went on a donkey. It took me 3 days to get there

Am I the only one to realise that, if we all worked together to accelerate climate change, the melting polar ice caps would put out the bush fires in Australia?

A German nurse is accused of replacing 2500 Covid vaccination doses with saline. Health officials believe she could be responsible for another wave.

Did you know Yoda had a last name? Layheehoo.

Kier Starmer describes his father as a Toolmaker. We could have told him that.

I've just seen a goose walking down our street, I immediately ran out and shouted BOO! at it. Fuck the system.