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Wife

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I use three in one oil instead of KY gel when having sex with the wife. It stops the whining noise from her mouth, it stops her minge creaking, and it clears the shit from the rusty starfish.

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My wife's just had a hysterectomy, the useless twat

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Just replaced my wife with a beautiful sex doll. It's fucking useless. That won't do the dishes either.

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Fuck you Trump you fucking home wrecker, now when the wife has a headache at bedtime I used to get her two paracetamol and get the occasional shag. Not now you orange cunt. Release the fucking files.

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