Sickipedia

As I woke up in the middle of the night, I screamed as I saw what I thought was a zombie approaching in the dark. Nope - it was just my wife returning from the toilet.

My wife says "I never listen to her" "Oh, and something else"

My wife just complained that some guy said to her, "You could fit a bus in there, love!" outside the gynecologists... They must be busy if they're doing examinations in the car park.

I'm not saying my wife's ugly but I took her for a walk in the park and I was arrested under the dangerous dogs act

My wife's just had a hysterectomy, the useless twat

Just replaced my wife with a beautiful sex doll. It's fucking useless. That won't do the dishes either.

Fuck you Trump you fucking home wrecker, now when the wife has a headache at bedtime I used to get her two paracetamol and get the occasional shag. Not now you orange cunt. Release the fucking files.

I use three in one oil instead of KY gel when having sex with the wife. It stops the whining noise from her mouth, it stops her minge creaking, and it clears the shit from the rusty starfish.

I gave my wife a pair of odour eaters and she was quite offended, "Are you saying my feet smell?" She asked. "Not at all, " I replied, "they're for your knickers."

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. I was the third man I married Margaret from Rochdale. I ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and I could see out of my left eye and my arm was healed enough so that I could fix myself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. I still have some difficulty when go for a piss though. Credit to original author.