Sickipedia

Most men's fantasies are to be in a threesome, but to be honest it isn't as it's cranked up to be, half way through I had to say 'Jim, frank'.... (credit - Stewart Francis)

Oh, what a shite! Chilli doner and a pint or three, Brewing away overnight in me, Morning after, what a shite! Oh, what a shite! Hit the khazi first thing the next day, Pebbledashed the porcelain shunky, My poor ringpiece, what a shite! Oh, I, I got a funny feelin' when I tried to fart, And my, as I recall I was lucky not to shart, Oh, what a shite! Got through half a 4-pack of bogroll, Tryin' to decontaminate my hole, Stank the house out, what a shite! I felt a rush like a rollin' ball of thunder, When the ming hit my nostrils I thought I'd fucking chunder, Oh, what a shite! Woke the wife up splattering the bog, Nothing coming out looked like a log, Fizzy gravy, what a shite! etc

I recently achieved my first 200lb squat. On Boxing Day, in the toilet.

Christmas morning and I've already had a fry up, two cans of Guinness and a log. The bastard's still poking out of the water after four flushes.

What's Michael Barrymore's favourite Dire Straits song? Fisting By The Pool.

Ate some rope this morning I shit you knot

I took my 6-month-old son’s soiled nappy off this morning. Wouldn’t have been necessary if I’d taken those Imodium tablets.

Whilst perusing her floaters in the ethereal kharsi this morning, the spirit of Maggie Thatcher noticed that one of them was sporting a prominent lecherous image of Sir Kier Starmer.

I was checking into a hotel and there was a vicar in front of me. He says to the receptionist, 'I hope the adult channel is disabled'. Fucking amazing what freaky sex some people are in to..... Probably a duplicate but I don't try anymore as the search feature is as much use as the Popes knackers.

"I want you to flick it then eat it" she said as I pulled down her knickers I just about had enough snot up my nose, so I managed to do both