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9 months ago

Most men's fantasies are to be in a threesome, but to be honest it isn't as it's cranked up to be, half way through I had to say 'Jim, frank'.... (credit - Stewart Francis)

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Oh, what a shite! Chilli doner and a pint or three, Brewing away overnight in me, Morning after, what a shite! Oh, what a shite! Hit the khazi first thing the next day, Pebbledashed the porcelain shunky, My poor ringpiece, what a shite! Oh, I, I got a funny feelin' when I tried to fart, And my, as I recall I was lucky not to shart, Oh, what a shite! Got through half a 4-pack of bogroll, Tryin' to decontaminate my hole, Stank the house out, what a shite! I felt a rush like a rollin' ball of thunder, When the ming hit my nostrils I thought I'd fucking chunder, Oh, what a shite! Woke the wife up splattering the bog, Nothing coming out looked like a log, Fizzy gravy, what a shite! etc

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I recently achieved my first 200lb squat. On Boxing Day, in the toilet.

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Christmas morning and I've already had a fry up, two cans of Guinness and a log. The bastard's still poking out of the water after four flushes.

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What's Michael Barrymore's favourite Dire Straits song? Fisting By The Pool.

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Ate some rope this morning I shit you knot

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