Sickipedia

Scotsman , Irish man and a welsh man walk into a bar , there’s usually an English bloke with them but he’s still in Japan

I went to a pub with a sign that said “No WiFi, pretend it’s 1970” So I paid 12p, called the black landlord “boy” & lit up a fag.

A white man, a black man, an Asian, a lesbian, and a transgender dwarf walk into a bar. I'm fucking sick of these Carlsberg adverts.

I read a news story this morning about this guy who'd been conscripted into the Ugandan army as a child and somehow managed to survive the atrocities despite being shot and wounded several times, including being left for dead after being shot in the neck. UN soldiers had taken pity on him and arrangements were made for him to emigrate to the UK with his wife and young child. He arrivied here speaking no English, but was determined not to rely on government handouts, so studiously set about to learn the language and put himself through catering school. After finishing his course, he got a job in Wetherspoons as a assistant chef and gradually worked his way up to manager. What a heart wrenching story... Surviving all that and ending up in Wetherspoons.

Got to my local pub and the landlord is dressed in a union jack suit and the pub is decked out like a VE day parade. "A pint of lager please, " I said. "Nope, only best British bitter on the bar tonight, no foreign rubbish, were going back to 1971. " "OK, fair enough, " I replied and tossed him 10p to pay for the pint.

Barman: what can I get you Santa? Santa: Bells, Single all the way

Afghan man, 45, marries girl aged SIX before Taliban intervene. And say he must wait until she is NINE. Afghan complains that she won't be a virgin by then.

If you go to a pub wearing a tennis outfit... you'll get served straight away

A raven goes into Leemack's local. "I'm sorry mate," says the barman. "This is a crow bar."

The Serjeant at Arms from the House of Commons walks into a bar. The barman says, “Why the long mace?”