Sickipedia

My wife complained that I'm boring in bed. What a crock of shit. I go right off when she's not there.

An orange a day fucks America every way.

After extensive research the russians now have video proof that orange spray tan will not wash off with piss.

Fucking hosepipe ban. What do I stick into this OJ bottle to make a bong then?

I just went through airport security screening and got randomly selected for an explosive residue swab. On failing the test I apologized to the officer, 'Sorry, my cab driver was a paki.' 'Ah. Fair enough, go through'

I was having a free hotel continental breakfast when I noticed their coffee machine had an 'Expresso' button. I rolled my eyes and had one anyway. On the way out I pointed out the mistake to one of the staff. 'It's not a mistake' he said opening up a door, 'See for yourself, here is my mother expressing the milk right now.'

Stormy Daniels husband has filed for divorce on the grounds that orange is the new black, and once she's had black he won't hit that.

Four little pakis smeared into a tree. D - R - I P - P - I - N - G.

James Bond walks into a bar and says: "I'll have a grape martini, and if yo stir that muffucker I go to yo house an experience 9 inches of white privilege with yo old lady."

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