Sickipedia

A guy walks into a bar and sits beside another guy and immediately notices he has a giant cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow! That's a huge lighter! Where'd you get it?" The other guy replies, "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish." "Cool! Can I try it?" "Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and a genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie. The guy replies excitedly, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted." And the genie disappears. A few minutes pass and then suddenly the bar door swings open and in pour ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks fall over each other and fill up the bar. "I can't believe this!" says the guy who just made his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy responds, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

Did you hear about the professor who could tell the acidity or baseness of a solution by dipping his genitals into it? He had a PH D

What happens to a constant when it’s differentiated? it disintegrates

Starbucks is starting to offer free drinks during funerals. They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Liverpool. Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

A coworker told me this joke recently when I told him to "tell me a joke" What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside.

Back to the kitchen

Derry

Being a welshman I was gutted at todays result. Oh and Gareth Bale is a cunt!