Sickipedia

It's about time we put doctor's receptionists at the border controls. Let's see how many illegals get past them!

If you're feeling a little down and insecure, why not illegally park in a disabled parking space? The world and his wife will rush over and tell you that there is nothing wrong with you!

Why is it those people who say "I'm speechless" after an incident never shut the f*** up talking about it??

Apparently today was the warmest day of the year so far.

One man's rubbish is another man's treasure. Not the best way to find out from your dad that you're adopted.

R.I.P Ghislaine Maxwell for next week.

I dialled a number from prison today and said, "Hello. Could you ask the judge to change his verdict from guilty to not guilty?" The bloke on the line said, "And how am I supposed to do that?" I said, "It says here that if I phoned this number you can reverse the charges!!!"

I always said I would never molest my pet lions,but eventually I had to swallow my pride.

Two priests at a Bucking Bronco contest. The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds,but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money. The first priest says "I don't know how you do it.." The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic"

The vicar looked at her then turned to me and said, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I said, "I do." He looked her up and down again, then said to me, "I'll ask you one more time..."