Sickipedia

All B.A flights cancelled due to an outage problem. In other words the cleaner pulled the fucking plug out so she could Hoover up!

Statue - how a Jamaican answers a phone. Hello?? Statue??

Little boy sees his mum in the bath. "Mum, what's that big crack between your legs?" " Oh, it's where your father hit me with an axe." "Fuck me!! He got you right in the cunt!"

"Mummy what's that big crack between your legs?" "It's where your daddy hit me with an axe." "Fuck me! He got you right in the cunt!"

An elderly man is driving down the M1 when his mobile rings. Answering it, he hears his wife on the other end. "Albert", she says, "Please be careful when you're driving back. I've just heard on the radio that there's a maniac on the M1, he's driving the wrong way!" "Its not just one", Albert replies, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"

Paddy and Mick work in the local supermarket. One day Paddy says to Mick "I bet I can work out whether someone is married or single from the stuff they buy." "Go on then" says Mick. Sure enough a woman comes to the counter with a small loaf, one tin of beans and a couple rashers of bacon. "She's definitely single!" Says Paddy. "Why? Because she's only got a small loaf and a tin of beans?" Asks Mick. "NO" Says Paddy. "Because she's an ugly bitch!"

A gay guy robs a bank and on his way out a policeman sees him and shouts, "Freeze punk!" He stops suddenly in his tracks, turns around and says, "Free??"

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I said "That's the last thing I need!"

Bloody hell. First Stephen Hawkings dies then Bullseye's Jim Bowen. At least they're keeping to the rules - Non darts player goes first!

PJ and Drunken