Sickipedia

I always said I would never molest my pet lions,but eventually I had to swallow my pride.

Little boy looking at his mum in the bath. "Mum, what's that crack between your legs?" "Oh, that's where your father hit me with an axe." "Fuck me! He got you right in the cunt!"

How ironic that the one guy who wanted to carry on looking at cun*s by blocking the upskirting bill, is now the one cun* that the whole world is looking at!

PJ and Drunken

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?" The Doctor says: "The water does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."

Quick tip to all the Welsh out there. Next time you're shagging your sheep, why not take it to the cliff edge? That way it'll be begging to back up on you!

If you're feeling a little down and insecure, why not illegally park in a disabled parking space? The world and his wife will rush over and tell you that there is nothing wrong with you!

VAR! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

A gay guy robs a bank and on his way out a policeman sees him and shouts, "Freeze punk!" He stops suddenly in his tracks, turns around and says, "Free??"

It's about time we put doctor's receptionists at the border controls. Let's see how many illegals get past them!