Sickipedia

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT **** SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Black Friday is a right con, I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon, and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD

If I was a Plastic Surgeon I would put a squeaky toy in each breast transplant

My wife looked out of the window and said it's not going to stop is it? "Of course it fucking isn't", I shouted, "You didn't put the handbrake on!"

Last night my date said, "So how come you haven't already been snapped up?" I replied, "I've been married before, but it didn't work out. She said I was far too inattentive." "Oh, that's so sad! Did you have any kids?" "Probably."

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stone ground razor from below the neck line, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

Woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks, "What's the problem?” The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason.It scares me.” The Doctor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.” Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?” The Doctor says, "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

I can't stop telling knock knock jokes. I reckon I've got cornivirus!

Just been watching the Billy Joe Saunders video on Twatter!

I got cornered by this big bloke with a knife in Lewisham, London, "You don't want to do this to me, " I said to him, "I'm not from around here, I'm American. " "So fucking what, " he replied, "wallet, watch and phone now. " So I shot him.