Sickipedia

An American boy is sitting in a school library assiduously studying Hebrew when he starts getting mocked by his peers. When they ask why he needs to do this, he responds, "When I go to Heaven, I can speak with Moses and Abraham in their own language." "What if you's goes to Hell ?" "I already talk American."

Once when we went to France, we went out of our way and changed our itinerary when my wife got excited hearing about "The Burghers of Calais." 5 different Burger Kings she stormed in the area that day.

My wife's three defining features are her morbid obesity, she's a huge Beatles fan, and she's incontinent One can say that she gets by with a little help from Depends.

They made Brokeback Mountain required viewing at work in "diversity training," and two of the Welsh guys were none too impressed. "Why are these two idiots bumming each other, when they have that whole fucking hillside filled with sheep to choose from ?"

The oriental guy at work has been in a near-rage all morning, because he found out that his daughter has been working as a stripper in France to pay for her expensive tuition there. I didn't help when I told him I'm sure she puts the Mulan in Moulin Rouge.

The paki neighbour was moaning about "how bad he has it" and that because of cuts to his allowance, he has to make sacrifices this year. "For the big bang-up family vacation, this year, we can all only go to Disneyland, not Disney World !"

My wife celebrated her 50th recently and the few friends she has threw her a surprise party where she wore a crown for the duration as she was "Queen for a Day." I got her some purple boxing gloves so she could complete the look as King Hippo from Mike Tyson's Punch-out.

My wife told me she was thinking about hanging herself in the cellar and I exclaimed, "Please for the love of God, don't fucking do it !.... " "That rafter always looked like it could maybe only take 400 lbs at most."

My large wife passed her BGT audition singing to selections from "Oliver". Aliesha Dixon said, "We've never seen anyone singing with such passion to 'Food Glorious Food'."

I had a Japanese once tell me that "Sumo is his country's national sport" You should have seen the look of horror on his face when I told him the Americans are starting to get into the game.