Sickipedia

An American boy is sitting in a school library assiduously studying Hebrew when he starts getting mocked by his peers. When they ask why he needs to do this, he responds, "When I go to Heaven, I can speak with Moses and Abraham in their own language." "What if you's goes to Hell ?" "I already talk American."

My gay son finally got told he's too old to be an altar boy, but he can start training for the priesthood. "Ooooh no thank you, I'm only suited to being on the receiving end."

I had a Japanese once tell me that "Sumo is his country's national sport" You should have seen the look of horror on his face when I told him the Americans are starting to get into the game.

Once when we went to France, we went out of our way and changed our itinerary when my wife got excited hearing about "The Burghers of Calais." 5 different Burger Kings she stormed in the area that day.

My wife's three defining features are her morbid obesity, she's a huge Beatles fan, and she's incontinent One can say that she gets by with a little help from Depends.

On one of the innumerable times I had to shuttle my obese wife to the hospital, I told the doctor that my wife lives a sedimentary lifestyle. "Don't you mean sedentary?", he said with condescension ? "No, every time she gets up from parking her fat arse on the sofa, there's an odd and completely unexplainable deposit of sand that's lying there."

My new Asian mail-order bride just got here and is about 3 days out of the crate from Vietnam, and already she's complaining about my "absurdly tiny penis." "It's not like you aren't fucking used to it, where you're from," I said, as I carried on violently thrusting.

The black man at work laughs three times at all my jokes. Once when I tell it, once when I explain it to him, and once when he finally fucking gets it.

My gay-trans son is making an album, courtesy of the taxpayer and the Arts Council, of songs like Beach Boys covers.... "Went to the dance, looking for a man, saw Barbara Ann and said..... No fucking thanks."

It was my birthday and my entire family threw in for once to get me a cake. "We all contributed," they said.... "I added the white frosting on top," chirped my homo son in addition.