Sickipedia

Recently, some left-wing, gender-fluid students went to Gaza to show their support for the cause. Their pronouns are now: was/were

I've nicknamed the wife "Scotland" because she kicks off every 15 minutes.

I was talking to a left wing, unwashed, Free Palestine nutjob today. She asked me, "How would you like it if an aggressive force came in and took over your homeland, attacked you in your own territory, tried to change your way of life and had no respect for your cultures or traditions?" She had a point. How could l, a white guy living in Bradford, understand how they are feeling?

How many Palestinians does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just sit in the dark and blame Israel.

I'm watching Wolf Hall, a docudrama about Henry VIIi. But I'm confused, I always thought Anne Boleyn was black.

I went to Poland on holiday. It's the worst of all the Tellytubbies-themed adventure parks.

Chatting in the pub with my Scottish pal and I was stuck on a crossword clue; "Stranded on a Desert Island (8)" "Marooned?" He said. "Oh nice one you ginger jock cunt, I'll have a pint and a bag of pork scratchings!"

Looking forward to Belgium v France in the African Nations final.

Whenever I complete a form asking for a number to contact in an emergency, I always put an ambulance because I know for a fact the wife will ignore a call from an unknown number.

Arsenal wearing all white to highlight knife crime? I thought knife crime was predominantly black?