Sickipedia

I've just set up an Indian dating site. Connect the Dots.

What's the difference between George Best and Princess Diana's driver? George Best could take a corner when he was pissed.

What's the difference between Microsoft and Princess Diana? Microsoft went down on fewer people. Nod to lennyscrevasse

As an England fan, I'm avoiding Spanish wine, paella, Julio Iglesias, Madri and castanets until after Sunday. Thank fuck we aren't playing Colombia.

I went to Poland on holiday. It's the worst of all the Tellytubbies-themed adventure parks.

Chris Kaba: Lovely lad, did a bit of volunteering in his spare time. Gave tirelessly to charity in between his shifts helping old ladies cross the road and working towards his multiple degrees. Could have been a lawyer, a doctor or a professor. But he did shoot a few people. Massive loss.

What the blind kid say to the emo kid when touching his arms? I'm not reading all that.

What's a Muslim's favourite rock music magazine? Qu'rang

Swedish astronomer Anders Celcius died in 1744 aged 43. However, his rival, Fahrenheit was convinced he was 109.

My son asked me, "Dad, what's dark humour?" I said, "See that man over there with no hands? Ask him to clap." "I can't," he replied, "I'm blind."