Sickipedia

Typical. No bus drivers have died for ages, then five come along at once.

I recently went into a betting shop and put £1 on a horse. My horse didn't win, so I went back into the shop to complain. I asked them if I could bet on that race again but the cashier said "No". I think this is disgraceful. Has anyone else had this experience? Would you like to join me in setting up a protest march in London?

What do we want? An end to Alzheimer's. When do we want it? Tin of custard please.

I got chatting to a Scottish bloke in the pub tonight "Have you heard about that cruise ship stranded off the coast of Sweden?", I said. "Norway!!", he replied. "Honestly", I said, "you can see it on the news now".

I've just had my coronavirus vaccine and now my 5G won't work.

Evan Rachel Wood names Marilyn Manson as her abuser. You'd never have suspected it from looking at him.

Arresting officer: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?!" Criminal: "It's a gun" Arresting officer: "You cheeky monkey! Right, in you get, we'll be at the station in a few minutes."

That Australian shooter is a complete idiot. He could have made a fortune streaming it pay-per-view.

I sincerely hope that nuclear war does not break out in India and Pakistan. My broadband contract expires next month, I've just had an accident that wasn't my fault, and I was missold PPI yesterday.

A German WW2 bomb dropped in 1944 is being made safe by bomb disposal experts in Exeter. That's one hell of a parachute.