Sickipedia

What do you call a paki doesn't smell? A-shok

This Jewish bloke is at the fair when he saw a roller coaster. He goes to get on and the traveller stops him and says "sorry I don't let Jews on coz you scream too much. It annoys too many people". The Jew says "oh go on please we wont scream honest". The traveller says "I'll tell you what, if you can go on that roller coaster without screaming then I won't charge you but if you do then it's double, agreed?" The Jew agrees and they strap him in and off he goes. Up and down, round and round this bloke is gritting his teeth but doesn't make a sound. He gets let off the ride and the traveller says "fair dues to you mate, no charge. But I have to ask, wasn't there any parts of the ride that made you really want to scream?" The Jew said "there was one part" The traveller said "which bit, was it the big drop?" He said "No, when my boy fell out"

They say that on any normal night you used to be able walk past Grenfall Tower and hear a wide range of multicultural music playing from the open windows. Apparently there was no multicultural music playing on the night of the fire but if you listened carefully you could hear some kids pop

I was in London a few weeks ago and this rasta asked me if I wanted to smoke some shit. I thought what a good idea so I snuck into a block of flats and set fire to a fridge

Why are there so many black people in Milton Keynes? Because if you rearrange the letters they spell LET MONKEYS IN

My brother sent me a link to the Grenfell fire video with all the suffering and panic. He said "be warned if you play it you'll need a box of tissues" He was right, 2 mins in and I'd shot my load

A Scottish woman comes home early and catches her husband in bed having sex with a welly. She shouted "Hamish! Stop fucking a boot!"

My wife won't let me rim her unless she's really really drunk. She doesn't like me getting shitfaced on my own

I've just had to fork out nearly £30 to watch the under 14's girls swimming finals at my kids local school! I was well hard up

This Northern couple went for a holiday in Spain and when they got there they realised they hadn't packed any gravy. The wife says to her husband "We need t'gravy, I think there's an English couple staying across from us, go and knock t'door n see if they've enih spare" So he goes over and knocks the door and says "Howeh, d'yav enih Bisto? " The bloke said "fuck off you Spanish cunt"