Sickipedia

I fucked a single mother twice yesterday, once up the arse at her house, and then when I got back to my office at the DWP to assess her claim.

At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: "Help, I'm starving." He can't be that hungry, he hasn't even finished his dog.

Eve: "Go on Adam, take a bite." Adam: "No Eve, God has forbidden it as the ultimate sin and will cast us out of Eden. I cannot defy the word of my Lord." Eve: "Oh go on Adam. I'll let you feel my tits." Adam:. "O.K. What the fuck!"

I went to the barber and he asked what I'd like. "A number two all over please. " Fucker shit all over my head.

Mary: "Are you not bothered that our son is going to be crucified and suffer horrible pain and death?" Joseph: "Our son? get his fucking dad to sort it. "

Jesus once said "He who lives by the sword will die by the sword" He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point.

What do we want? An end to religious bullshit. When do we want it? After Christmas.

I can't believe the red tape involved to joining the Catholic priesthood. But I was accepted as soon as I told them I needed Tuesday afternoon off to sign the sex offenders register.

So that's what they look like. Never seen a Japanese girl bent over before that wasn't pixelated.

I went from the pub late last night straight to the midnight mass. The fat cow hates it when I call her that every Christmas eve.